What You Can Learn From Hard Relationships

Over your Lifetime, you will have to leave hard relationships. And when you do you will realize how much toll they were taking on your emotional well-being. We’ve all made mistakes but what we need to do is learn from them.  Here are some things I have learnt from my own experiences and what I am taking with me forward into new experiences in no particular order.

It will take me a long time to completely trust anyone.

 I put a lot of trust in people before I saw how they handled conflict and miscommunications. I’ve learned that I will not be able to trust people until I am comfortable with how they approach conflict personally and with others.

I can’t be held responsible for what I don’t know.

I’ve had a partner get upset with me for not interacting with them in a way they would like to be interacted with even though they never expressed that information to me. Similarly, I will not expect my partners to interact with me a particular way if I haven’t asked.

Withholding information is as bad as lying.

Transparency is of utmost importance. Surprises hurt the worst and almost always feel like a betrayal.

All relationships must be reciprocal.

 I’ve been told by a partner that I didn’t make enough time for them. Then when I would ask to do things with them, they withheld that they planned all of their free time with another partner and continued to blame me for lack of time together.

Just because someone is confused doesn’t mean I’m confusing.

 If they are confused, it’s their responsibility to talk to me and get clarity. I will not be blamed for someone’s assumptions and lack of willingness to communicate and understand.

I will not blindly trust a person’s character based solely on how they treat me. 

I will need to know how they treat others as well. That’s a true testament to their character.

I need to practice resolving conflict in person.

I have had a very difficult time talking to people directly about a conflict I have with them. It has always been easier to get my points across in writing. Especially to those people who won’t hear me completely before responding. But I understand tone is much better in person and most people appreciate that.

I will not date metamours.

 The risk in dating metamours is that if one person has a conflict it disrupts all relationships. The risk for miscommunication, assumptions, and unresolved conflict between all parties is too high for me to be comfortable with this arrangement.

I will insist on having a good relationship with my metamours.

I need to feel good about the relationships that I’m in and have a good standing relationship with my metamours. I don’t ever want to be the cause of conflict in someone else’s relationship and will always want an open line of communication.

No matter how badly I want to be heard, I can’t rely on this for my processing or healing. 

I can’t make others hear me. I can’t rely on what I can’t control to process my feelings.

Share below some of the things you have learnt and lets make life so much more perfect for everyone.