Professional cuddler Samantha Hess has opened a pro cuddling shop, where for $60 customers can get an hour’s worth of spooning and “the level of human contact that we want or need in order to be our optimal selves.” Located in Portland, Oregon, the shop is called Cuddle Up To Me and is already very busy.
“This business has taken off,” Hess told Fox 12. “I’ve gotten as many as 10,000 emails in a week.” Hour-long sessions cost $60 dollars and include hair strokes, hand-holding and a plethora of different cuddle positions. Hess says the business is in no way adult-orientated, and that she got the idea for it during a low point in her life.
“I was at a place where I thought paying someone to hug me and not have ulterior motives sounded like a great idea,” she added. “I decided why can’t this be a thing that we can easily and safely reach for?” Sessions are taped to ensure the safety of both cuddler and cuddlee. “After meeting Samantha Hess, I feel so much better,” said Steve from Vancouver in a testiominal on the Cuddle Up To Me website. “Our cuddle time gave me a different outlook on life. I had no idea what I was missing. I am a big fan now and look forward to our next session. She is encouraging, kind and sincere.”
The shop is open Monday to Saturday. Talking is optional and pyjamas are encouraged.
“The Cuddling Sutra”
Anyone who says spooning is not the best snug is a FOOL and should be cast into the fires of Mount Doom for insolence. One time, my grandpa gave a wedding speech about spooning and then made a crass sexual joke using forks. If you ask him about it, he will be happy to recite it.
This one is pretty good, as well; one partner lies on their back, while the other lies on their side. So you can still hug and stuff, but you can also stare at the ceiling and make profound statements.
3. Verona Skeletons.
The Verona skeleton couple, who were found locked in an eternal embrace near Italy. This snug position is sweet because it is tender and historical and also probably at least 100 people have tattoos of it; on the negative side, foreheads are really hard and bony. Here is another, less romantic, rendition of this snuggle position.
4. The meat jacket.
The “meat jacket” is when you hug your partner so tightly from behind that it’s like they’re wearing a genuine embellished leather jacket fashioned from your skin. High on the affection scale, but also it feels like a demon is clinging to your back and trying to drag you into an open grave.
5. The Ancient Mariner.
This position is achieved by clinging to your partner’s neck like an albatross and screaming “I FEAR THEE, ANCIENT MARINER!”
6. The starfish.
When you spread out your limbs as far as they will go and your partner has to sleep at the foot of the bed. Very comfortable. For a pet-positive “starfish” modification,consider rolling your partner onto some couch cushions and cradling your cat.