Mono-Poly Diaries: Some days, you just can’t.
Some days, you just can’t…
I was determined to keep up this blog as a weekly thing, and in failing to do that I’ve managed to actually come up with something worth saying.
Sometimes life is too overwhelming. Sometimes, you just can’t handle making progress. You just have to focus on feeling better right now. In my weeks of talking to people in similar relationships to mine, and discussing all sorts of mono dilemmas, from poly partners wanting to seek new relationships just after their mono partner has given birth to their child, to poly partners neglecting their mono partners feelings while off experiencing that mythical ‘NRE’ (which I personally think would last a hell of a lot longer if people just put more effort in with the person who wants to be with them, no?) I’ve come to my own personal realisation that: sometimes you just can’t. And sometimes that’s ok.
I haven’t given one moment’s thought to my partner’s poly needs this week.
Not one. I’m being selfish and needy because right now I really fucking need him. As far as I’m aware, he knows this and isn’t really speaking to ‘others’ currently. The flipside of this is – when he’s in such a state that I know what he needs isn’t me – it’s speaking to and flirting with others, I try my damnedest to be understanding.
The whole point in me writing this one is to say:
Mono partners – it’s ok to focus on getting your head straight before delving deeper into the world of polyamory. If you’re partner can’t slow down for you, then you’ve still got to focus on you or you’ll just get lost.
Poly partners – ask yourself what polyamory is before running way ahead and leaving your mono partner crying out to strangers on the net. If polyamory is about maintaining multiple loving relationships, make time and effort to help your mono partner through whatever they’re going through – be it looking after a new born, sorting out their mental health, or any other emotionally draining experience. If polyamory is just about sex and NRE, then I personally think you’re doing it wrong. But what the fuck do I know?
Please leave a comment below if you have a specific topic you would like me to cover in next week’s blog, and until then, just keep swimming x