Join the mile high club have sex on a plane
Will I end up in prison if I have sex on a plane?
So I thought i’d tell you that before attempting a 69 on a 747 or whatnot, you need to weigh up the potential risk of being arrested. Yeah I know not a very erotic thing to say, but be responsible allowing someone to bury their penis deep within your cockpit at an altitude of 5,565ft can possibly get you into a lot of trouble.
Now the law regarding sexual activity on planes is actually pretty difficult to govern. If you’re thinking of getting X-rated in plane toilet, You should be aware UK legislation states that sex in a public lavatory is illegal; it’s considered to constitute ‘sex in a public place’, and is punishable by a six-month stint in prison. However, as planes fly to different countries and pass through different areas of jurisdiction, the rules change, and can become hard to determine. In the States, getting dirty on a Delta could see you charged with anything from ‘indecent exposure’ to ‘dangerously disobeying their requests to stop something‘ The latter can get you jailed for a maximum of 20 years, which is a long time to get banged up for having a bit of fun! Airlines also differ in their company attitudes towards in-air shagging, and some are stricter than others.
In reality though, so long as you conduct your Sleazyjet naughtiness with a degree of discretion and respect for other passengers, it’s probably more likely that – if caught – you’ll just receive a mild telling off delivered with a wink, or at worst a fine or a ban from using the airline again.
It comes down to one simple rule: don’t be a total dick.
Be subtle with your smuttiness – most flight attendants have a sense of humor about people’s personal ‘in-flight entertainment’ sessions, and will only spoil your grubby fun you if you give them a reason to by acting like an knob. If the crew asks you to stop something, stop straight away, say sorry, and don’t try to get flirty again on the same flight. Disobeying crew-members instructions is a dangerous violation to make and can get you in deep, deep shit. Just accept that you’ve been rumbled.
And now to just cover something you might not think about but i would avoid any efforts to get jiggly if your jet is travelling through a conservative area where your behavior could cause offence on religious or cultural grounds. Countries that flog people for merely kissing in public are unlikely to look kindly upon tourists full-blown fucking on an Boeing.
Ok so you still want sex on a plane. Here are some ideas to help you out.
It’s easiest to get down to business while your fellow passengers are asleep, so ideally book an overnight flight 🙂 just don’t scream.
Loose clothing designed for easy access like elasticated-waisted jogging bottoms and lift-up-able skirts are just the things to wear.
The toilet is the traditional mile high location, if you’re intending to party in the WC, pick aisle seats rather than window views so you and your partner don’t have to climb over slumbering travelers in order to get to the bogs.
Flying during the day then best moment to scuttle off to get your end away is when the drinks trolley has just passed you. The flight attendants will be too preoccupied by serving others to notice you.
If you’re a blagger, tell the flight crew your partner is sick or “needs assistance due to a personal condition”, and walk straight into the lavatory together, like you have zero shits to give. Or like you have a tonne of very urgent shits to give, if you’re faking illness.
Really don’t fancy doing it in the toilet?
Bring along a blanket to cover you both, and attempt a little hand/mouth action at your seats. This is a lot more difficult to do without being genuinely gross towards other passengers, mind, and you potentially risk public nudity charges, so proceed with extreme caution.
The ideal flight on which to hump ‘til you’re sore while you soar? Singapore Airlines’ Airbus A380 first class double bed suites have proven so popular with lovers wanting to do the hovering horizontal mambo that the company issued an official press release in 2007 requesting that people stop refrain from having sex on their planes.