The Different Levels of Dominance
In the D/s lifestyle you will find there are as many definitions for “Dominant” and “Master” as there are people to talk with.
When a Dominant says “I want to be your Master”, the words may have a different meaning to the one hearing them than to the one who uttered them. At one end there is the person who only means I want to tie you up, whip you, have scenes and sex with you, when they say they want to be your Master. At the other end of the spectrum there are people who mean they want to become your full-time Master, your protector, your teacher. They only feel fulfilled when they can own your heart and soul.
Then between the two definitions you will find many gray shaded areas completing the meaning of Dominant / Master.
Only once you are sure what the Dominant expects and offers to you, you will be ready to give the gift. When you speak of becoming a Master to someone communicate what that means. If you are the submissive and hear that someone wants to become your Master you owe it to your relationship to know what they mean. Once the words have meaning they will be a basis for the Dominant and the submissive to grow together. An inexperienced Dominant is likely to fantasize their ability to be a Master to a greater degree than they can actually be in real life. If you are not the perfect match you should discuss if you would like to both grow to the level of Dominance / submission that will make the fit. As you read these definitions remember there are no right and no wrong answers. They are offered so you may examine what you want in a D/s relationship.
The non-Dominant “kinky” lover:
This person is not into power exchange and being in control. They only enjoy the heightened sexuality the D/s scene brings to them. They feel “safe” in the scene if both the parties involved are having fun. The normally won’t try new things without first being told by the submissive specific things they would enjoy. Their pleasure is from the sexual activity and not from spanking the submissive or being in control.
The role playing Dominant but not a Master:
This person is normally found on-line. They will be Dominant and appear to be in control. They may be into humiliation and enjoy playing roles. They will have the submissive serve them, kneel, and act as they want the submissive to act. They like to “train” new submissives because they feel safe when their charge has little knowledge about D/s. The Dominant will normally not “force” the submissive to do things or request things that will push the submissives limits. The only time they push is to have cybersex. This type Dominant will brag about the slaves they have had and the slaves they have trained.
The role playing Dominant / Master:
This person like to play “Master” and likes to feel in control. They will want to have the submissive wear their collar before they have established a relationship. Again, on their own terms, they will have the submissive serve them and their needs. They don’t concentrate on the relationship or the submissive’s growth. They seldom give the submissive learning exercises, and if they do, they normally give very little feedback to the submissive when the assignment is turned in. They will be in control most of the time but not use the control for growth.
The true Dominant non-Master:
This type person controls the submissive, but it is usually temporary and within agreed limits. The big difference between this person and the ones mentioned above is they know their power comes from the submissive. This type person is usually turned on by being served, both sexually and outside of scenes. They do not gain satisfaction from forcing the submissive to submit to their way. They usually dictate the scene based on the agreed limits. Even though they seek their pleasure from being in control, the submissive will find it easy to top from the bottom.
The true Dominant play Master:
This type person also takes control but it is usually temporary and within agreed limits. They gain satisfaction from being served and serviced. Normally they control the scenes and are into bondage and light pain. They usually use a spanking device to the point of pain, but do not go far enough to build up endorphins in the submissive. If there is pain in the scene they indirectly may derive pleasure from being in control and causing the pain, not because of the feelings the submissive may have. This person controls the submissive, but not the scene. The scene will usually end at the same level of intensity at which it started.
The Dominant but uncommitted short term Master:
This person dominates the relationship but may have agreed upon limits. They want to be served by the submissive. They enjoy this in both erotic and non-erotic services by having the submissive take care of their wants and needs within their agreed terms. This person will only play the dominant role when they are in the mood. Many times they will play the role for days at a time, (the weekend only Master), but they retain their freedom to quit at any time. This time is usually agreed to ahead of time or falls within the limit due to time constraints they can be together. You will find this type person in short term and in long term relationships with their “submissive/slave”. They normally have a good reason why they can’t enter a full time relationship and they control when they will be Dominant. This type person will usually give the submissive/slave assignments, but rarely questions them if they are not completed and does not give feedback once the assignment is complete.
The part-time real Master:
They will have an on-going relationship as Master/slave and they think of the slave as their property at all times. They want the slave to grow and distinguish between the slaves wants and needs. The Master will usually rule the submissive’s life to the point that they will give them assignments, tell them what to wear, and how to act. They devote most of their time to other commitments, (job, friends, etc.), but the slave has first pick of the Master’s free time. This type person will use scenes to help the slave to grow. They know how to control the pain experience so it never advances faster than the endorphins are released into the slave. They constantly watch the bodily changes of the slave during scenes and will push the slave towards subspace. The Master will control the time after scenes to take care of the slave’s needs.
The full-time live in Master:
This person regards themselves as the one who is in control of the relationship and thinks of the slave’s well being. Limits in the relationship are considered opportunities for growth and their slave has “duties” to perform within the relationship. They regard the slave as a prized possession and spend their time “polishing” the slave through training. Their day to day role is very similar to the “vanilla” husband, (regardless of their gender), except that their role is keeper of the relationship and well being of the slave. Due to the total power exchange where they accept power over the slave’s life, (physical, emotional, and mental), this type arrangement is usually entered into much more carefully than traditional marriage. Normally contracts are signed specifying what the slave’s role will be and what time period it will cover. This contract is normally based on rules of D/s, their agreed upon terms, and it will establish areas for growth. The contract may only be broken by the Dominant and may be renewed when the agreed upon time limit expires.