10 Secrets To Being A Spectacular Submissive by MizCreatrix
Ok, none of these are really “secrets” of any kind…but you gotta admit, its a catchy title. 😉
At any given point in time, there are countless submissive types struggling to find a dominant partner they click with (and vice versa). While patience is indeed a virtue, it often seems as though once a person declares himself submissive, the race toward uncovering BDSM ecstasy is full steam ahead. I get it; I really do. And while I will always question the motivation behind any individual’s desire to engage in a D/s relationship, that is not what this essay is about today.
Today, I’d like to talk about what a well-meaning submissive can do to increase their potential for finding a suitable partner for him or herself and enhance the possibility for enjoying a successful relationship with a dominant partner. Take the time to reflect on the following personal questions. They will not only help you outline the things that are important to you in terms of finding the relationship you seek, but they are also intended to help increase overall self-awareness. Truly, its all about common sense sometimes.
1. Submissive: know thyself. Who are you, at your very core? What will it take for you to find genuine happiness? What does happiness look like for YOU? Can you be honest with yourself about these things? If not, it will be nearly impossible to extend this honesty toward another person.
2. Submissive: heal thyself. Oh yes, you have work to do. Every single one of us, regardless of orientation, comes with some amount of baggage. One of the worst mistakes a submissive can make is having an expectation that once they find their “perfect” dominant, they will be whole and they will be healed. It doesn’t work that way. You have to do the work it takes to arrive at a place where you are emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually whole on your own first. No matter how powerful or all-knowing a dominant may appear to be, he or she is not going to be able to “fix” you. In other words, have your shit together.
3. Do whatever it takes to be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. Self-awareness is precious, and when you can practice this, you will be better able to be aware of others and their needs.
4. Learn the difference between what you want and what you need. If you haven’t already, come up with a “vision” for yourself, a kind of mission statement or code of ethics, whatever you want to call it. What does a D/s relationship mean to you; what are you not willing to settle for? What is your philosophy on BDSM, kink? Be realistic. Fantasy only goes so far.
5. What type of work ethic best describes you? It doesn’t matter what line of work you’re involved in. But you should be able to identify the situations and motivators that traditionally inspire you to do more, be better, serve genuinely. Are you the type of worker who resents authority figures or every task assigned to you? How do you handle criticism? Do you feel that certain jobs are “beneath” you? If so, then oh boy, are you going to have some difficulties turning your power over to a dominant partner.
6. When faced with something you don’t understand (in general), do you ask questions in a sincere attempt to LEARN?
7. How flexible are you (I’m not referring to how “bendy” your body is, though that can be a topic for another day)? Can you adapt to circumstances or you pout, kick and/or scream when things don’t go your way?
8. What is your communication style? Are you comfortable expressing yourself to others? Do you expect others to read your mind or pick up on “cues” when you’re unhappy about something? Or can you articulate when something isn’t working for you in a mature, intelligent manner?
9. What inspires you to submit to a dominant? What do you hope to get out of such an exchange?
10. What can you bring to the table to enhance the D/s experience for a potential dominant? I’m not just talking about sexual service here; believe it or not, many dominants are looking for partners to share in a variety of experiences and some are not sexual in nature at all. Is BDSM about kink or something else for you? It doesn’t matter what your answer here is, as long as you are honest with yourself and with any potential partner you encounter.
Spending time looking for what is missing in your life is futile; if you fail to look within yourself. When we challenge everything we believe we are, we reveal that which we never knew about our own selves. ― Nicolas G. Janovsky
These Secrets were written by MizCreatrix and posted on Fetlife she gave permission for us to share it here