12 Rules for the Modern Lady
Here is something that just popped into my head as a response to something that I felt reflexively uncomfortable for. Yes I know I’m a guy…so take this as a gender-bending exercise in getting in touch with my feminine side.
1) Keep your house clean because it reflects on you whether you like it or not…or don’t ….because maybe you’re incredibly busy, and your creative chaotic life prefers to be surrounded by chaos and assholes who don’t know this shouldn’t be worried about….or perhaps you need a clean environment to work create, love, and laugh in so clean…but not for anyone else…unless you want to.
2) Sexy pictures are fun – take and do whatever you want and for whomever you want with the obvious caveat that nothing ever dies on the internet. Be aware of the dangers that can arise from sharing intimate images and do whatever you want with them.
3) Foul language can be great depending on context. Be the judge of that context, and contrary to what some may have told you – swearing doesn’t necessarily indicate a simple or unclean mind.
4) Wear skirts and dresses if you want – or pants – or barbed wire and duct tape and look good for whomever you’d like but be careful to not get caught up in the poisonous cyclone of beauty culture. Beauty as an entity can be a wonderful, artistic, and inspirational thing — it becomes poisonous when it manipulates you and you don’t manipulate it.
5) Shave your legs daily if you want to – or get your boyfriend, girlfriend, or slave to shave them if you want to… or shave theirs – or switch days. Or don’t shave them at all.
6) Practice what you’re passionate about and fill your life with love and self-expression; because it’s amazing to be a human being.
7) Be an amazing hostess because being an asshole to party guests is a shitty thing to do. Unless you don’t feel like being a hostess…which in that case I’m assuming you’re not throwing a party, or if one was planned and can’t be avoided find a friend to help you out because people are amazing and friends help because they’re awesome.
8) Treat a man like he wants to be treated if you feel like doing that, don’t if you do not. If your partner is female, transgender, or not fitting into an specific gender category the same rule applies. In fact, just treat everyone with the respect and dignity that befits another beautiful collection of billion year old animated star dust — as you would also like to be treated accordingly.
9) Don’t criticize your partner to others – unless you’re attempting to seek unbiased help with a relationship you’d like to salvage. Otherwise discuss the problems with your partner or a councilor.
10) Don’t hate people for being people.
11) Never apologize for who you are. Embrace the mundane, silly, crazy, fantastic, boring, esoteric, and creative aspects alike.
12) Twerk if you enjoy it. Cook if you enjoy that. In fact do what you enjoy because number fucking eleven.
One final note…
I believe there are some differences between men and women. I don’t believe these differences put any real limitations on either sex except in some very special circumstances (men currently can’t bear children, women currently can’t dead-lift 1000 lbs etc.) — therefore lists that dictate what is and is not proper behaviour for one over the other are kind of bullshit.
With respect to those who don’t fit into the majority gender binary, to the beautiful people out there who are gender queer, transgender, or otherwise uncomfortable with our current nomenclature…the above list applies to you as well.
In fact – from what I can gather this would be a great failure for a list because when I wrote “12 Rules for the Modern Lady” it turned out to be “12 Rules for the Modern Person”.