Ok so not done a Poly post in a while and my life in a what was a mono-poly relationship is about to change forever as my mono partner’s Comet has popped up. And I am so happy for her shes dipped her toe in and has been entranced in NRE, she is full of smiles and happy and it’s so nice to see. So the reason for this blog is to say we found a new term.
Comet [kom-it] Noun.
1. A person that passes through your life repeatedly who is intense and awesome, and when gone you are still in contact with that person in some way but they are not a continuous partner.
Example: Ana is excited to have her comet Fredrico visit because they have hot sex and a deep connection. This is despite him living in Granada Spain and focusing on his poetry, while Ana lives in Seattle with her primary.
I have found there is a hole in the poly lexicon.
The term “play partner” doesn’t fit non-casual partners. Play sounds trite. Some of these relationships can span years and even decades. Some are very deep, with a combination of intimacy, friendship, admiration, and shared history. Poly circles use the term “play and pause” which also doesn’t fit many of my “comets” as I don’t pause. Many I stay in touch with daily or weekly.
Some comets come by every 18 months when the schedules line up or, to continue the metaphor, when the stars align. I have even heard some use the term partner-partner. As in, “they are a partner but not like a partner-partner.” This is an example of that awkward lack of a term for someone who is somewhere between fully in your life at all times and a casual play play partner, that you like, but don’t have an ongoing connection with.
So if you have someone like that in your life please feel free to use this term.