There is no grey area between those who approve and those who disapprove of hooking up as a guest in other people’s homes. Like leaning your chair back on an airplane, having sex at someone else’s house is something you either do, boldly, or something you’re ardently against.

How Rude Is It To Have Sex at a Friend's House? A Guide To Being a Good Guest?The reasons against the guest room hookup are varied. Some people involved dismissed hooking up in other people’s homes as juvenile or “so high school,” which just seems like a brag about the fact that they actually hooked up in high school UNLIKE ME. Others simply felt like they didn’t know what to do about the… mess (condoms are helpful for more than just preventing pregnancy, folks). Don’t you dare use the fresh, matching, laundry-scented towels that your host gave you for sex clean up!

On the other hand, there’s the undeniable allure of doing sexy things in places you’re not supposed to use for sexy things. Soundless sex can be really hot (and for the love of god, do stay quiet.) If your host hears you having sex, you’ve lost your out-of-the-house-sex privileges for this presidential term. And no, the guest bathroom shower is not loud enough to cover up your weird “I’m cumming” sound.

It’s natural to want to have sex on vacation.

You don’t have responsibilities or a to-do list. You’re not working, or at the very least you’re less stressed about working. You’re excited, because you’re in a new place. I mean, the very first urge most people get when they arrive in a hotel room with their partner is to have the filthy hot loud sex that they haven’t gotten to How Rude Is It To Have Sex at a Friend's House? A Guide To Being a Good Guest?have since their first child was born seven years ago.

So, sure, it’s hot, but there’s still the issue of disrespect. Is it inherently rude to bone in your friends office-cum-guest room? Yes. Maybe? Yes, but does it matter? Here’s a good rule of thumb: If you would talk to the host about having sex, then it’s not disrespectful. If you don’t talk to your parents about sex stuff, then no, you don’t get to have sex in their home unless you really have some pent-up resentment and you’re actually looking to disrespect them a bit (therapy might also help!). If it’s your best friend from 2nd grade and you made them look at that weird bump on your junk that one time in college, then go for it. That person probably doesn’t care.

Basically, be a good guest.

Don’t be loud, don’t be messy, and don’t make a rookie mistake and throw used condoms in open trash cans where dogs/cats/babies can easily fish them out. Even if they’re wrapped in toilet paper. Be an adult and sneak into the kitchen and bury that shit at the very bottom of the can under 32 pounds of food waste and frozen pizza boxes (which are actually recyclable). That’s just respectful. Your friend’s house is not a hotel. (You should still be respectful in hotels, too. A $20 tip for the cleaning crew does not erase them having to deal with all your grossness.) Your friends don’t have industrial washers and dryers and an endless supply of stiff white sheets that corporate can replace at almost no cost. Treat their house better than you treat your own house, and treat it way, way better than you treat hotel rooms.