Impossible Sex Positions (You Are Not Rubbish)
We have all seen those posts on Impossible Sex Positions created to make us common folk feel like we are failing at sexual intercourse and therefore, life, Christ! We have one or two here. I want to justify ours and explain that I try a lot of different things to help people find adventure and experimentation in the bedroom, but does that have to involve getting penetrated while standing on your head?
Consider that the longest we’ve ever held a headstand in yoga class was for oh yeah about 5 breaths I don’t think we’ll be engaging in upside-down-sex anytime soon (If you do though i wanna see the pictures 😛). So for this post I am going to look at three of them in a different light and explain some of the mere Impossible Sex Positions.
1) Fire Hydrant
You in a tripod headstand with your legs bent and spread eagle while he does you from the upside-down, front.
So Come on How Is That Impossible: Well for starters, most of the world can’t do a tripod headstand without hurting themselves, Oh you can, well thats good for you, but can you hold it long enough to achieve orgasm? Can you hold it with your legs spread like that? Can he hold you up while he thrusts without giving you a spinal cord injury? These are a few of the questions that must be addressed before you try this one.
2) Head Spinner
In this one he stands on his head with his legs in the splits while you wrap yourself around his torso, scissor between his legs and balance in his armpit.
So Come on How Is That Impossible: Look NO hands! Or not. There are many many many logistical issues here. Starting with Oh yeah you again but this time you are dating a professional break dancer, and he may be able to do some electric bugaloo moves, but he can’t balance hands-free and pump his upside-down dick in you while you’re balancing in his armpit. There’s this thing, you see, it’s called gravity.
3) The Overpass
You get in a plow pose (Come on you must know that one 😛) and he sits on you sideways and inserts his penis (somewhere.)
So Come on How Is That Impossible: ok so where the hell is his penis going? In her pussy? or the butt? Either way that’s going to hurt like hell. I am 186cm and weigh 110kg imagine me putting my full weight on your lower back. I can almost hear our spines crunching already.
