Ok so death grip is going to take a bit of discipline to get over, but it’s going to be fun. Remember, sex (and this includes masturbation) is supposed to be about fun, relaxation, and pleasure. There’s no reason to stress out over it.
Basic principles to fix the damage of Death Grip Syndrome:
- Take a break and build up a burning desire for stimulation.
- Make time, then take your time.
- Utilize and experiment with a variety of methods to masturbate or reach orgasm.
- Focus on subtle sensations. Be gentle.
- Go for quality over frequency until you regain sensitivity.
Sensitivity Renewal this is going to take 1 month
Week 1: Take a break from stimulation for 1 week. Oi put it down!!
Keep your hands (and anyone else’s) off your penis for one entire week. No sex. No masturbation. When you get erections, just endure them and appreciate them for what they are. Allow the tension and desire to build, and appreciate the pleasure of the erections themselves. Towards the end of the week, you should be going mad with desire to do something about it. During this week you can focus on renewal, look at your lifestyle at what contributes or detracts from your overall wellness and sexual health. Believe it or not, a healthy diet, moderate exercise, adequate sleep, and good stress management can all help to improve your sex life.
Week 2: You may masturbate once this week.
Try to wait for an erection that happens on its own rather than causing an erection by using your hand. Sensations will likely be stronger if your body AND your mind are both naturally “in the mood” and your brain is causing the erection. In other words, it shouldn’t be “I command myself to masturbate now“, but rather my body commands me to masturbate now. Make time for it. The days of rushing through masturbation are over. Speed and quick release are no longer the point of masturbating—not if you want to break the patterns that result in “death grip”. Make masturbating a priority and put other things off in order to have time to focus, relax, and enjoy.
Take your time
Use a personal lubricant, use a loose grip, and be gentle. Remember, you are retraining yourself to be more responsive to gentle stimulation such as what you would feel during sex. In fact, you may want to consider getting something that makes masturbation feel more like sex, such as a Fleshlight. No more dry fist. Personal lubricants are a must. Vaginas are lubricated—gentle lubricated friction is the sensation you need to become responsive to. KY Ultragel, and Astroglide are both quality brands but we also sell loads of others.
You’re going to want to do two things:
- Masturbate in a variety of ways.
- Masturbate in ways that feel a more like sex.
Variety is the spice of life, and this is certainly true for sex and masturbation. Switch it up a little now and then to keep yourself from getting dependent on one single thing. Most of the time though, it will be better to focus on methods that feel more like the sensations of sex. (This is why a Fleshlight might be a good idea.) Even if you haven’t experienced sexual intercourse, it’s still important to still focus on methods that provide a similar type of stimulation. A vagina is soft, silky, slippery, and warm. It engulfs the penis and makes contact with most of the surface of the penis. It’s impossible to get exactly the same feeling with your hand, but by using a personal lubricant, using a full fist with a looser grip, and taking your time, you can at least add some qualities of sex to your session. Use plenty of lube and glide your hand somewhat loosely over your penis, letting lubrication and your hand provide the friction that stimulates your penis—don’t move the tissue of the penis. Your grip should be only about as firm as you would use to hold the hand of someone you like while on a walk in the park. Also, keep the speed of your stroking slow or moderate.
Ok we all know sex wearing a condom feels different so why not try masturbating with a condom. The use of a condom can help limit the amount of sensation you feel from your hand, which can help reduce your tolerance to stimulation over time and boost your perceived sensitivity. This is especially helpful if you are having sex with a condom on and are having difficulty reaching an orgasm. You can begin to associate having a condom on with having orgasms. Plus, a condom makes for easier cleanup afterwards. Just be sure to put some lubricant inside the condom before putting it on.
Weeks 3-4: Masturbate only twice each week, and use your new techniques.
As with the previous weeks:
- Masturbate only when an erection happens on its own. Do not stroke yourself to an erection and then masturbate.
- Do it only when you have enough time to take however long you need.
- Use lube & try condoms
- Use techniques that are more similar to sex, ie., gentle, lubricated, friction at a moderate speed.
If things are getting better, you can go back to masturbating more frequently, but some of the things you learned this past month need to be applied from now on.
Those principles are:
- Be gentle.
- Take your time.
- Try to let erections happen naturally.
- Use lubricant.
- Try different methods periodically and focus on methods that simulate sex.
If you are still having some trouble, try repeating the steps for the month, but try to go two weeks without and then masturbate gently only once per week for the following two weeks of the month.
What if I’m still not reaching an orgasm during sex?
Share with your partner what is going on. You may be experiencing some performance anxiety based on previous failures. Making your partner aware of what you are experiencing may help alleviate that anxiety. You may also want to try masturbating right up until the point of an orgasm, and then switch to sex in order to finish and experience your orgasm inside your partner. This can be a confidence boost that reminds you of what the experience feels like.
If you continue to have problems, go see your doctor. There may be other lifestyle or health issues at play that need to be checked out.