Where he cums can tell you a lot about the kind of person he is.

For instance, I’ll Just Cum On Your Sheets And Pretend That I’m Going To Clean Them For You guy was the kind of dude who’d say anything to get off. One day it’s “I’ll wash your sheets,” and the next day it’s “I don’t have herpes,” or “I swear, she’s not my girlfriend.”

Gone are the days where everything you needed to know about a man was in his kiss. I’d venture to say that it’s in his cum, or more specifically, where he cums. Whether he’s jacking himself off, you’re jacking him off, you’re screwing, or giving him a blow job, he’s got to unload somewhere, so pay attention.

You can never truly know a person until you know how they react under pressure.

ON YOUR FACE

The signature move of the kind of dude who has watched way too much porn. This guy is probably going to want to ram you into the ground like a tent peg, and hes sure to say something about your “wet cunt” while he’s inside you. He sweats a lot too and he is going to tell all his mates how he came all over your face.

ON YOUR BACK/ARSE

The back/ass cum is kind of sexy, plus you probably won’t have to deal with the hilarious cum face. Back/ass come is perfect, unless the guy is a jerk who will only fuck you from behind, in which case, you either have the most amazing ass ever, or he just doesn’t really like the look of your face. Or, it could be worse. He might not want to look you in the eye while he’s sticking it in you, which is indicative of some pretty serious intimacy issues.

IN YOUR MOUTH

You are so not his girlfriend!

ON YOUR TUMMY/HIPS

Slightly more intimate than the back/ass cum because you’re facing each other. Although if he cums on your tummy/hips after pulling out from sex it could just mean that he’s lazy or too slow, which is ok if you like easy going guys. I’d say this guy could be a stoner, or someone who hasn’t had much sex and gets too excited and panics, resulting in more of an emergency cum than a sexy “ohh this is so filthy and awesome I’m cuming on my lady” cum.

ON YOUR INNER THIGHS

The guys who cum on your inner thighs probably played with matches when they were kids. He’s living on the edge, he most likely doesn’t really want to get you pregnant if he really thinks about it. But he’ll do it anyway for the thrill of taking it to the limit.

INTO A SOCK HE GRABBED FROM UNDER THE BED

This guy wanks off way too much. And lives with his mother!

IN THE CONDOM

Marry this guy. This is someone who cares about the transmission of disease and babies, which you’d think would equate to “normal human being,” but is a rarer breed of man than you’d think.

ON YOUR TITS

This guy is face guy’s cousin, he also watches too much porn & likes hip hop. He either refers to himself as or aspires to be a “baller” He secretly thinks that he’s somewhat more chivalrous than face guy, but at the end of the day he’s going to tell all his pals where he came too. And his friends will probably hit on you, so they can also cum on your tits.

IN HIS HAND

This guy was either raised right or he has some strange hang ups about his cum. When it comes to talking about sex with his buds, he’s the opposite of Face and Titty dudes, that is to say, he doesn’t. He definitely never did that thing where a bunch of college bros all wank into the same cup, for instance. So he’s probably paranoid that his cum is abnormal in some way, and you’re going to gossip about it with your gal pals.

What about your man? write a comment below and tell us where he cums.