Twelve traits of a true dom

This great post was found on written by DominantMan78 from fetlife.

1. He declines being called Sir, Master, Dom or any other grandiose title from the start.

Until a relationship has been agreed he knows he’s a human being just like you, on the same level as you. He will owe you that respect and courtesy from the beginning. He declines being called ego-inflating names unless a dynamic has been explicitly agreed by both parties.

2. He looks after your interests. He will be on your side and will want you to be fulfilled in a relationship.

He will be prepared to walk away from a relationship, if he believes your needs will be better met by somebody else. In fact he will be more than happy to introduce you to somebody else who will meet your needs better than him, even if that means he will lose you.

3. He doesn’t criticise other people, particularly other doms, behind their backs.

He doesn’t feel threatened by other doms and doesn’t see them as competition. He doesn’t belittle or talk bad about other doms or tries to eliminate or undermine “competitors”.

4. He doesn’t try to dominate the conversation or gratuitously lead a group onto something just to prove to everyone and himself how domly he is.

He will let other people have their say, without trying to hoard the limelight. He is a true team player who puts the needs and interests of the group before himself. He is interested in the team winning, not him winning.

5. He doesn’t prey on the vulnerable.

He doesn’t hang around the entrance of munches or clubs looking for “fresh meat”. He doesn’t try to take advantage of inexperienced submissives and use their lack of knowledge to his advantage. On the contrary, he will protect those new and vulnerable and do what he can to guide them in the right direction.

6. He doesn’t instigate politics, bitching and division between camps.

He is not prepared to partake in them and will try to minimise conflict whenever possible. He has a conciliatory tone and tries to build bridges, not burn them, whilst still defending what is right.

7. He’s approachable.

He’s friendly and welcoming and accepts everybody as they are. He keeps his ego in check and doesn’t carry himself with a swagger or in a threatening or arrogant manner. He’s not in possession of the truth. He has a sense of humour and is able to laugh at himself. He knows an überdom is quite the opposite of a true dom.

8. He admits to his mistakes.

He’s happy to say sorry. He knows that being a dom doesn’t mean he’s perfect. He will own up to his errors and will make reparation whenever possible. If he makes a mistake during play he’ll apologise sincerely and make sure it doesn’t happen again.

9. He’s comfortable with a sub who is more intelligent, skilled and capable than him.

He knows that being a dom doesn’t mean he has to be the best at everything. He’s quite happy to take instruction from her submissive and let her teach him what he doesn’t know. As an example, he’s happy to take directions from her when he’s driving.

10. He has nothing to prove.

He’s comfortable in his own skin and doesn’t need to prove to anybody how “dominant” he is. He doesn’t try to live up to some expectation of what a dom should be. He’s confident and sure of himself and is untroubled by others disagreeing with him and having a different approach to dominance than his. He knows who he is and he doesn’t need to justify himself to anybody.

11. He doesn’t take liberties.

He will not boss around a person just because she’s submissive. Nor will he grope her either. He will be clear, transparent and specific about how he wants to play, before anything happens. He will not take advantage of someone being in subspace and therefore more vulnerable. He is polite to waiters, clerks and those in serving professions.

12. He’s trustworthy.

He has a strong sense of integrity, responsibility and compassion. He will stick to his agreements and fulfil his end of the bargain. He will tell the truth and behave with honesty, even if that means he loses out. He’s honourable and his word is his bond.