I’ve been following the Polyamorous Mom’s articles with great interest, and I wanted to share my story. I’m not a mom, but I’m the daughter of two polyamorous parents.
I’m the all-American teen. Cheerleader, homecoming court, mostly A’s and the occasional B or two, cross country, charitable, and just kind of making my own way. I would say average except my parents are in a triad with this woman who I used to call mom. I haven’t called her that in years, but that’s a story for another time. For those that don’t know what triad is, it’s a three-way relationship. Mom and Dad. Mom and her girlfriend. Dad and the same girlfriend. The three of them together. My parents told me when I was younger. I didn’t really care. I was too young to fully comprehend it. They just told me that they loved me, weren’t breaking up, and wanted to share their love with others. Being the naive kid, I just like said whatever and went back to playing with my toys.
I’m older now, and I’m struggling with why they can’t be normal? Their girlfriend has been with my mom since I was two, and they’ve been a triad since I was four. I have a half-sibling. Yeah, dad and his girlfriend had a kid together. My parental units wanted to scream their love from the top of the skyline and jump on couches like Tom Cruise, so everyone knows. We live right outside of Hollyweird, but they never stopped to consider if their need to be out of the closet would later affect me or my sibling.
Last week, my school had parent-teacher conferences at my new school. I thought just my mom and dad were going to attend. Since they’re not hiding it from anyone, they told all of my teachers that she was their girlfriend and that she’d be an active part in my education. I go to a Catholic school, and yeah, the example set before me doesn’t look too hot. They were showing affection like holding hands with each other, and it embarrassed me. It’s like the church is sitting 50 feet away, and that’s how you want to act?
They never asked how I felt about them inviting my girlfriend or telling the office staff that she had the right to view my records or anything like that. It’s hard enough being a teenager without parental units complicating the high school experience and making it worse. I feel like everyone is talking about me now. The way teachers look at me says it all. New friends have come up and said, “So you have two moms and a dad,” or they’ve said things like, “Your mom shares a guy with another girl? Gross.” I’ve wanted to cry at times, and I don’t blame them. Polyamory just isn’t something parents discuss with their kids if they don’t have to. We’re all young and still learning, so it’s not ignorance. They’re not used to this.
I should be happy because I’ve got three “parents,” but I’m miserable. I’m begging them to send me to boarding school overseas, so I can experience something normal. I’d rather be continents away than continue to be part of this family. It’s gotten to the point where I hate being around their girlfriend, and it’s hard to get away from her. She lives with us. I’ve been avoiding her. I don’t say anything when I see her. I don’t ask her for anything. I eat breakfast, go to school, go to practice practice, do homework, eat dinner, and go to my room. I spend a lot of time with friends and out of the house.
Recently, their girlfriend and I got into another one of our arguments. They should’ve known better than to leave me there with their girlfriend for almost a week. They break up arguments all the time. I told mom before she left, “I can’t stay here with her. If she says anything out of line, you know what’s going to happen.” My mom told me it was going to be ok. It was at first. The argument started with a separate issue she had with me. She asked why I was treating her like that when she had always been there for me? All she had to do was ask, “Can we talk for a minute?” We could’ve talked, kept it respectful, and resolved the issue. It could’ve been a simple chat or debate. The way she approached me was more like, “You’re forgetting that I’ve been here, take care of you, consider you my daughter, and you’re ungrateful for all that I’ve that I’ve done for you.” That’s where the disagreement comes in. I don’t consider her my mom, and I didn’t ask her for anything. My parents decided what she’d be to me before I could make that determination, and now that I’m resisting, it’s caused many arguments. Mom and dad weren’t there to break it up that day, so we went round for round. I told her what I really thought of her. It started with you’re not my mom, and you can’t tell me what to do. It ended with me telling her I hated her. Everything in between was even more hateful.
Its been almost two weeks since the argument. Their girlfriend and I don’t even talk. I look through her. She’s nonexistent. They’ve been arguing over what to do with me. They’re not in agreement about how to move forward, so they’re all touchy and stressed. If they all can’t respect my autonomy and freedom of choice regarding who and what she can be to me and even what I want to call her, we don’t have anything to discuss.
By Anonymous Kid
This was first posted here: